Sentient Life on the Third Rock

2005-01-17 Unfortunate

I knew these would start coming and I've agreed to post them.

Above: Freddy Jackson; courtesy of Terry Jack

Above: Paddy Fred Afro-Irishman; courtesy of Neil Ryan

Above: Little Alabama (a.k.a. Little Britain); courtesy of Patrick Deveraux

Above: Another unfortunate one courtesy of Pat.

2004-09-27 How Not to Resolve Conflicts

Click here to download Fight.gif

2004-09-14 The Irish Mental Health Hotline

Access the Irish Mental Health Hotline here.

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

• If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
• If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
• If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.
• If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
• If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.
• If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
• If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
• If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.
• If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.
• If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
• If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
• If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
• If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
• If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.